Stand by your beds……

I have been usurped!

Small white she devil arrived here few months ago, at first she was cute and we all loved her, but that has now changed, she is a little S**t!

She has stolen my bedroom, she keeps stealing all the toys and well she doesn’t give them back……As you know I am a courageous chap not at all afraid of anything, I am also very well mannered and treat a lady like a lady, I am after all an officer and a gentleman, but my fuse is getting sorely tempted. When I do anything, like just leave the house she attacks me, she is very violent and really rather nasty and I sometimes hate her!

She can be nice and she will play, but she doesn’t appreciate the importance of our work here.

I did enrol her into our little army, but she can’t (or won’t) see the importance of our work, its vital that we keep the vermin out of the garden! and what about all the cats, badgers – still have a war wound from that skirmish, plus all the bird and frogs, I heard recently that she who must be obeyed is planning on building a wildlife pond – What is that woman thinking? we will be up to our necks in frogs before you can shout ‘Attention!”

Anyway back to the she devil, she is a bit naughty she eats things like glasses, shoe laces and bags, she who must be obeyed gets very cross with her, and stops shouting at me for a time, letting me carry on with my work getting the baby birds out of the bay tree, but then she lets her creep around her and sit on her knee, MY KNEE.

Big and daft dog likes her too he lets her take his chucky ball off him…….what is he thinking, she creeps around him like Dobby the house elf with her ears back playing up like a puppy, which she is not, and he just lets her steal his stuff, if I did that he would threaten to crush my head, its not fair.

Sorry I’m not a whiner usually but this female is pushing me beyond breaking point I am seriously thinking of biting her.

So I have hatched a plan, I am filling her with tales of glory and as I have now managed to breach the garden fencing, got told off but she who must be obeyed  doesn’t know how I got out this time…….I have taught my new recruit to bark at any passing dogs, keep the blighters out, and how to sniff out frogs in the borders, I also managed to get her interested in digging up the mice behind the greenhouse and for once She who must be obeyed was pleased as the little vermins had eaten all the seeds she had planted. I think my new recruit may turn out to be ok after all, with a lot of work and coercion from me.

She is Private Niamh Miggins (mrs) probationary recruit.IMG_1513


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